Fear rushes in, choking me in the silence of the night, another nightmare has waken me in a fright.
This solitude feeling that lingers inside, Hoping, waiting, even praying for an out come to set things right.
I toss, I turn , I ball up next to you, yet the dreams so real, like death is rushing in, with every single cursed smile that lingers on. Pretending that it isn't real or that it will be defeated was easier in the beginning, before things continued to get worse, now I sink in to a devastatinng pessimistic state, in which I feel can't be turned off, and I feel selfish for wanting to know the fate that this disease has caused my life and wich way this too shall turn.
A lonely ache from deep inside forms a gut wreching ball into the pit of my stomach, raging anger at life; for the shit it constantly feeds me, a burning ache of loneliness bittersweet hungrer for love, and greed, to be the center of someones universe, some one who will not leave me feeling hopeless on the nights you feel the worse.
Till death do us part was the vows I spoke, and it is the promise I intend to keep, yet I can't help but to sometimes feel that it is closer than I want for it to be. With every aching moment I watch you slip further away from me, Life has taken its toll and it is not fair; that the most positve part of me I might one day have to watch fade completely away.
I finally fall back to sleep, and while I am content here in this state, and no longer feel in solititude, and lonely I have to watch their faces of innocence slowly melt into tears, for they too have to face that which is my deepest fears, and that fear is too real at times, and far to close, at times I feel, I am already living with your ghost.
Written By: Minx