~FEAR~

~FEAR~

Fear rushes in, choking me in the silence of the night, another nightmare has waken me in a fright.
This solitude feeling that lingers inside, Hoping, waiting, even praying for an out come to set things right.

I toss, I turn , I ball up next to you, yet the dreams so real, like death is rushing in, with every single cursed smile that lingers on. Pretending that it isn't real or that it will be defeated was easier in the beginning, before things continued to get worse, now I sink in to a devastatinng pessimistic state, in which I feel can't be turned off, and I feel selfish for wanting to know the fate that this disease has caused my life and wich way this too shall turn.

A lonely ache from deep inside forms a gut wreching ball into the pit of my stomach, raging anger at life; for the shit it constantly feeds me, a burning ache of loneliness bittersweet hungrer for love, and greed, to be the center of someones universe, some one who will not leave me feeling hopeless on the nights you feel the worse.

Till death do us part was the vows I spoke, and it is the promise I intend to keep, yet I can't help but to sometimes feel that it is closer than I want for it to be. With every aching moment I watch you slip further away from me, Life has taken its toll and it is not fair; that the most positve part of me I might one day have to watch fade completely away.

I finally fall back to sleep,  and while I am content here in this state, and no longer feel in solititude, and lonely I have to watch their faces of innocence slowly melt into tears, for they too have to face that which is my deepest fears, and that fear is too real at times, and far to close, at times I feel, I am already living with your ghost.


Written By: Minx

Loving me..

I remember a time in my life when love seemed like a distant thing to me. I was so wrapped up in loving something that was higher than myself, that I forgot to love ME. the most important thing in my universe, the very center of my being, ME.

I remember the feeling the first time that I looked in the mirror and reminded myself that I was worthy of love, and praise even if I was the only one to give it to myself at the time. I also remember, the turn of events that would occur after I took the time to know me, and who I was and why I was worthy of love, and most importantly that love from myself.

I always thought that it was more important to love others and set them on a pedestal, and put their feelings and needs before my own. Teachings would have it that if you do this for your creator, and those around you that you will in fact receive good things for your efforts. That often turns out to be very untrue, leaving you feeling like nothing will ever be right for you in your life.

Then there comes a sense of renewal, when you remind yourself that you are in fact worthy of your time, your own love, your own efforts in how ever you choose to reward your self. Becoming a mother took a lot of that away from me once again, I had so much love for my kids, and the love I always received from them caused me to feel fulfilled, I stopped taking time to do things for me. Getting out and walking, going to nature trails, camping, the things that I enjoyed doing so much before having kids. It has taken me some time to realize just how much I miss it.. No doubt I know I have missed it.. I think I am gonna start giving my self that time for some self love, and remind me that I am worth it.. After all I will be much better of a parent, a much better friend, and I will be able to express my love for others when I take the time to remember, just how much I truly do deserve to be loved by ME! If I can't love me how can I expect anyone else to right? Even more so the ones that I love suffer because I can't express my love clearly.

So here is to loving me... More.. Yes I deserve it and you do to.. So love yourself today..
Thanks for listening to the ramble.

I shed a tear for you..

 Please be advised the following is for the mature only, The following is the expression and feelings I had as I watched a movie based on the stoning of a Muslim Woman. This is my first attempt to express these emotions, and I plan on becoming active to try and stop these things from happening further. I am not sure exactly what I can do but you better believe I will be researching to find out.

I shed a tear for you, as I watched your story, the chance that your voice was heard.
I bowed my head, not to pray but to think, how I could help others like you.
I shed a tear for you, knowing that in all religions the wrong you have recieved,
from the humans who called you, mother, wife, friend, daughter, would so harshly judge you.


I shed a tear for you as I watched the stones cast, and I realized how blood thirsty my humanity was,
as I realized how much I wanted to strike them for doing so to you!
Then I shed a tear for me, for being human for being blind, for having human emotions, such as
anger, greed, and hate. But they made it easy with the hate they exhibited all in the name of Allah.

Then I shed a tear for the many innocent who have been so harshly judge in the name of any diety,
that humans feel it their place, to force upon one another, and take the very essence of life
from another, just to please this thing they called god. Then I shed a tear of love, promising my self,
to no longer be silent, in the name of such things, but to speak out in love.

Then I put down the stoned wall in my heart, and said, I need no god to do good, I only need the love in my heart, I need no man to follow to tell me how to lead a life for god. I only need my self,
and the love I have matured in my heart for those around me.
Then I cried because I know questions will remain unanswered and the evil will never truly pay the price, for the precious lives so many have taken. All in the name of a god........

Written by: Crazed Minx (Jennifer Breedlove)
All feelings and emotions contained in this blog are the feelings of the author only, they may not be used, reproduced or copy righted with out written permission from the owner her self. Thank you.

~Persecution.~

There was a time I would have given my life for you, but you threw that time away.

As you wrapped yourself around your finger and started treating others as your slaves.

There was a time I would have backed you, in everything you had to say,

somewhere you got it all confused and sent our bonds of love flaming to its grave.

I struggle to break free from the persecution you send my way~

I am left with out compassion, not a kind thing to you can I say.

Hurt does not even begin to touch the pain that in my heart I feel.

For the bonds of sisters parting is a hurt that far exceeds being real.

Words hurt so bad, in the midst of pain, and love they often kill.

Take a step closer shove the dagger deeper, this pain will never heal.

One day you will wake up and your mistakes to you will be revealed,

but till then I will walk in solitude, eating your harsh words as my last meal.

Memories are often kind enough to temp you to let go..

But this pain I am feeling, i would never want to resow.

.

I would never try to hurt you, to bring you so much pain,

so push the dagger deeper, kill all the love for you that remains,

I can not take this fighting, I would rather meet my grave..
You made the call, and my answer is, simply your wish is my command.

I will cut you free, no longer will you hold my heart on the dagger at your hand!

The Human Condition

I will never give up on you, I will never leave you behind, written in the wind like a piece of a little rhyme.

I will never stop protesting, that you are the way, by instilling ~LOVE~in our hearts, we can clean up this mess some day.

I will never put you aside when other humans make me have doubts, I know you are a part of the human condition and in their minds you speak loud, and the very mention of ~LOVE~ makes us proud.

I will never pretend that you do not exist, for I feel you all around me when I see my children in bliss.

I will remind myself when others scream for death, that life is a precious thing, never to be mess with.

Part of my Heart you will always remain, and your name has many voices when Freedom begins to reign.

~HOPE~ gives us something to look forward to always, and is in our hearts and is there to remain.

~REASON~ in our brains, to spread the word of HOPE, that one day we will stop killing in a deity's name.

~SUCCESS~ to remind us, that we are headed the right way, to find ~PEACE~ with in our hearts that will be there to remain.

~HEALTH~ is something we should always seek in a reminder that in freedoms name we should speak.

So I close my eyes tonight and wish to all my friends, that in your heart, you have SUCCESS, in FREEDOM, HOPE, PEACE, HEALTH and in LOVE you always feel blessed.

Nomeste~ The divine in me sees and seeks the divine in you and everything you do!

Our HOPE gives us strength to fight for PEACE, to seek out HEATH, to have SUCCESS, and FREEDOM, and these are things we cannot live without!

Written :BY MINX
I retain the right to all my work, thoughts, and human conditioning experiences. Please refrain from copy writing.. thank you..

Versatile Blogger Award..

Wow it shocked me to log into blogger today to find that a fellow writer had named me for a versatile blogger award. Having said that I believe that this will be very much like the E awards on myspace, so for it to happen so soon really shocked me, I was blogging for a long time before I ever received my first one.

So this goes something like 7 random things about me...

1) I am in fact very versatile in the subject that I will blog about. So much that I have broken my blog into 3 blogs and have 2 more in other locations. There are 3 under this profile, They discuss my opinions and thoughts, Erotica and erotic poetry, and of course my spiritual beliefs and rants.
2) Something that I think many people mistake me for is a judgmental person, while i have my thoughts and opinions I hold those for myself and myself only. Though I have found that some people are not capable of understanding or grasping this concept when they read through my blogs.
3) I come from a large family all of whom I disagree with often, and I often keep my mouth shut when I do. It is not for me to tell them how to live their lives, that is their choices to make.
4) I have 2 children of whom I love very much, and a husband who is good as gold to me..
5) I value friendship above and beyond any and everything in fact many of my friends are my family to this day, they know my darkest thoughts better than my family does, because they are more accepting of who I am. 
6) I actually home school my children... I enjoy every last minute of it on Sat and Sundays which are my days off. However they are my life and I know that I am giving them the best possible education that can be provided for them in a country who's standard of education is below standards amongst many other countries in the world.
7)Aside from blogging, I enjoy laughing, hiking, gardening, cooking, and being surrounded by people that I love. 

On to the 7 that I say Need to be nominated for versatile blogger award. 


I am unsure if this is supposed to stick to the parameters of blogger only, I read many blogs posted in many places and some of my favorites are posted in many different places.. I will for the sake of this blog keep this strictly to here as I feel that to be appropriate for the time being until I see more of these blogs and find out how other blogger's address this issue.

Mr. Stone Bryson

http://www.stonebryson.com/2010/11/my-only-endosement.html

For his lyrical poetry, and many political blogs that have struck to home with me. I have read him for a few years now and I doubt that I will ever stop. He will be one that I will seek out when ever I do not find his presence amongst me.  

Just a Chick Penetrating Her Lobe

http://penetratedlobe.blogspot.com/2010/12/i-used-to-love-you.html

 Another blogger that I have followed for some time now, For her honesty in feelings, her political views and expression, her creative verbiage, she has been one of my favorites for some time now and will continue to be. This I am sure of!  

JoDyZvv0rLd

http://jodyzvv0rld.blogspot.com/2010/11/madness-neverending_23.html?zx=50b9cc89f6b1c906

Jody is a new one to me, however from the friendship that we have built and the many other blogs in which he posts in various places, not only here at blogger I am sure that I will follow him in one place or another for some time.. I enjoy his humor, his honesty, and his friend ship and company.  On Face book as well as his blogs here at the blog spot. 

The Fan-Fucking-tastic Adventures of Vanna N

http://fanfarkingtasticvanna.blogspot.com/2010/12/on-giving.html

For the inspiration in her words, and the way that she so eloquently tells of her adventures and the smiles that she always puts on my face, She is an amazing writer of human thought and feeling.. I love her writes and always feel a part of her world with her every word. 

TXT TREEHOUSE

http://txttreehouse.blogspot.com/2010/12/txt-81-theme-and-new-info.html

Started as a group of erotica writers on myspace, and ventured off to support their writers and fan base into other places just recently. Many of the writers that I read are there and can be found venturing through there. 

Just Jeff

http://thejustjeff.blogspot.com/2010/12/heya.html

For his many funny Fridays, His Erotica, his honesty and integrity in his writes of emotion, he is truly one that I will follow and read for a long time to come. I have followed him for a very long time already.. 

Simply Me

http://poeray.blogspot.com/2010/12/update-on-life.html

A very good long time friend of mine that I love and enjoy reading because of her words and the way she expresses her self and her life.


I would love to extend a huge Thank you for the notice I received in your blog Suzzy. I have enjoyed reading about you and getting to know you through your writings, I look forward to following you for a very long time. So a huge thank you goes to Suzzy also Known as:

BE HERE NOW

http://beherenow-suzzy.blogspot.com/2010/12/versatile-blogger-award.html

She has a very eclectic writing style that I have come to enjoy reading and I look forward to reading many more as the day go by. 


So there you have it, these are 7 of the blogs that I enjoy following here on the blogspot. I am sure I will find more. and as I have said there are many more than this that I follow all over the world wide web..


I would add another story here but I feel I have said more than enough now. 


Love and light, may you all have a wonderful day.. 
Thank you each and every one for sharing yourselves with me through your expressions of the heart, soul, mind and imagination.. It is a good writer that often makes the perfect muse for another writer and I am blessed to have many of you in my presence.. 
Good day.
Thanks for reading.
Crazed Minx..

YOUR RESPONSIBILITY

Any one who knows me, Knows I did not vote for Obama! That being said, I find it strange that I am continuously, defending the man, sure I have taken my cracks at him, he hasn't made it nearly as easy as Bush did though. As I watch my status updates on facebook and the replies to the millions of articles that I read a day, I grow disgusted with the American public! 

I watch the flip flop of politics ram through like a scourging  dragon attempting to fight for his last meal. The very thing that you have been warned about for over a decade is unfolding before your very eyes, and it is no ones fault but our own!  Well not mine and a few others out there who truly educate themselves on who they will vote for. But a majority of the American public PARTY VOTE and trust a PARTY instead of the PERSON that is to represent you!

Now This is the thing I will point out to you Obama told you from the start that he was all about changing and revising Health care! Giving it to all Americans? The masses cried out they wanted change, and he never lied to you about the Change that he was wanting to give, (although I am not convinced that he ever wanted a true public option, because if he did what we got would not have been where he settled at) However the masses cried out about their money the cost of rising taxes! The republicans blocked the true public option that was on the table, and instead of it coming out of your taxes all together it will now come out of your pocket. If you choose not to have INS then it is going to cost you in fines and penalties. 


Now I understand, the massive outcry about the government getting involved in your health care, don't get me wrong I truly do! However what I don't understand is the rhetorical flip flop voting system you people play havoc with! You say no to your country paying for INS for your kids and grand kids, Yet now you cry for tax breaks, and hurl at the Liberals for saying we can no longer afford tax breaks?


Well You know this is the deal people, The deficit that has been racked up over the years is in fact our fault! Now you don't want to pay for Health insurance for the needy because that will cost your children and grand children, yet you want more tax breaks for the corporations and rich, to stick your children paying for the deficit that we are not paying down. The deficit that the very politicians that you voted in caused!




Don't get me wrong, I am completely against higher taxes, as a matter of a fact I am against taxation at all! But if I have to pay taxes and unfortunately, I live in a system that is truly based on spending money, if it isn't spending the economy is crashing until we have got to the point where spending is now hurting us more, and well we are headed in a cycle in which we will have to do something different again. Paying down the deficit? Cutting government spending? There are many ideas out there that are the same old trumped up ideas that bring us in a circle of government spending. Like it or not it is true. 


But this is something that I am going to urge you to consider? If you are absolutely against educating yourself on every politician that is running for office whether on the ballot or a write in, then you already know that there is going to be taxes to be paid, and you are the tax payer that is going to have to pay them. Our deficit has risen there is no way to pay it with out raising our taxes, come on a first grader can figure that out shut up your whining and use some fucking logic for a min. However, if you are not going to vote for the person who is truly best qualified for the Job (and let me say I haven't seen a republican or democrat in my life time that has been qualified for the job) then at least vote for the one who is going to put that deficit at a higher place, by providing more for you? Does what they are saying that we need to spend money on  make sense? Health care before war? Which makes more sense? Jobs in our country over jobs over seas? Higher taxes for higher salary makers or higher taxes for the middle class? The right to make your own choices or the right to silence your opinions? Your right to change and over throw the government that is disappointing you. or your right to watch your country crumble and fall, leaving us with out a democracy a republic, or even what could be considered mere socialism?


Or on the other hand you could just do what your forefathers expected you to do! You could stand up against the corporations, you could educate your selves about the PEOPLE you are voting for, NOT THE PARTY! you could throw them votes out there and demand change, and maybe you could get it! But let me tell you something until we as a country get our heads equally out of our asses, and start holding these arrogant self centered, line my own pocket and screw you with a rubber mallet politicians responsible for what they claim to be, and until we over throw the ones that are harming us, and taking our freedoms away our country is going to get less free, more expensive to live in, It will continue that we will have more problems feeding our own, and it is all our faults! If you want change DEMAND it! Stick to your guns, and stop voting for a fucking PARTY! In case you haven't noticed the people representing the Republican and Democratic parties are all for increasing deficit, but which of the two is the most moral? That is what you need to be worried about? 


How do you sleep with a conscience of having blood on your hands? It is your tax money that has caused many wars? How do you sleep at night knowing that you have blocked people from receiving health care that they need, all because you didn't want the deficit to be extend to your children, yet you are willing to take tax breaks, take out more loans, so that you kids and great grand kids will be paying for your mistakes you have made?


Get Educated.. I don't care what you think about this and that! I want you to get educated! For once in your life, for once in the past several decades do what we as a NATION have failed to do! Grab these bastards by their balls, sling them to the curb, and fucking hold them RESPONSIBLE for what they are doing! Most of all BE RESPONSIBLE Yourself in knowing who you are voting for! You have the right to vote, don't toy with it.. That is a responsibility not a careless decision to be made like throwing your virginity away to the first little jock that talks sweet. Your decision to vote, not only affects you! It affects everyone else, in our country, and will affect our children and our grand children, you have something called freedom quit pissing it away with a half hear-ted decision at the polls!